Briar is NAPPING!!

So this is totally a pointless post, but I am over the moon because Briar is napping as we speak. Since the geneticist mentioned that she thinks Briar could still be seizing, we have witnessed two seizures. This would explain her funky sleep schedule and some of her developmental delays... so great news, we see her pediatrician and doctor both this week!!! The seizures were not as severe as before, more muscle contractions but not the flailing part. She did seem less aware of her surrounding though (back track: When Briar was seven weeks old, she had a Nissan Fundoplication and literally the next morning the nurse asked me if she ever made any jolts or moved a lot in the night. I was like, this hypotonia child? NO! So, we went on to witness 8 seizures over the next 3 days before being discharged. Briar stopped seizing the day before discharge and no one at the hospital seemed all that concerned. After being home for two and a half weeks, she started seizing again and this time it was more frequently, with the seizures lasting longer and longer. So back we were in the hospital and I don't have to tell you how trying this was).

Briar has what are called "infantile spasms", basically for Briar, her arms, hands, legs and feet flail out and the muscles in her body contract. You can feel them tightening. She is very aware of everyone and usually keeps eye contact with me when I hold her. I like to hold her arms and legs tight to try to stop the contracting... this occasionally works or at least I think it does. Anyways, the original point is that on Monday when she had a seizure, she was not able to look at me like she usually did, so I will just monitor the seizures and keep track of the frequency, duration and what she is doing.

But on a positive note.... her tooth is partially through!!! I am feeling like a first time mom here. I think it's because it's a MILESTONE, maybe I'll just throw that word out there. It's not like holding her head up or sitting, but it's something and I'll take it. As for the napping part, it's over... I can here her upstairs! Oh well, just another day.

Peace, Ashley

Is this a tooth?

Is this a tooth? Please tell me, cause you all know I am going crazy!! Ella had her first tooth at 5 months old, Briar is officially 9 months old today! It's the right tooth on the top, just a little white coming through near the bottom. It's hard to see because of the flash... have no fear followers, I will update with new pictures as the mighty white emerges!!!

What do you think???

Anyways, we had physio today and it was great. Sue was happy with her muscles and they weren't too tight, even for someone who isn't mobile. We played on the ball and Briar stayed awake the entire time! Holy Mackerel!

I have been spending a lot of time reading other parents blogs for 1P36 and although inspiring, it brings up a lot of memories that I would rather forget. It also makes me want to skip ahead to the future (but I also don't want to miss anything!!) I am feeling rather down lately. Charles is gone to hockey all the time (he is in Ottawa as we speak and hopefully had a visit with the Boisvert's!!!) I think it could be the "returning to work and not having day care" thing or just seeing no progress with Briar. She is wonderful and amazing, but some times I want a baby that can coo, crawl, smile and return my love. I never know if she loves me back. So I am left wondering if she is happy, or will she ever be? I love her so much and that will never change, but seeing babies her age is really difficult. Of course I would never say that out loud.

Carol and I went to Chapter's a while ago and we saw a nine month old baby girl, standing, making sounds, playing... I wanted to cry. My daughter should be doing those things. I guess I need to mourn the loss of a lot of things for her. I never imagined having to do that, but it is a reality.

Anyways, I need that little cry and bitch. Now I feel better, and I must go on, so I bid you adieu. XO Ashley

Yesterday

Okay, update everyone! We had a genetic clinic yesterday and met with Dr. T. She is wonderful and I can't spell her name, sorry. She thought Briar could still be seizing, as her sleep patterns are pretty messed up and she often stares off into space. She taught us that, "Open hands are happy hands." meaning we should be holding her hands open or putting something in them ALL the time. OT has already suggested this as they don't want her hands to become "sensitized" to having things in her hands. P.S. She HATES having things in her hands, she can actually drop things in her sleep. LOL Anyways, Dr. T was very positive and used the old, "Wait and see." attitude we hear so frequently. I talked about the articles we read versus parents blogs about their children. She encouraged us to "hook up" with other parents. It sounds a little sexual for me, but I guess.... ;) She also discussed some of Briar's "differences" as she doesn't like saying abnormalities. She noticed first of all, that Briar is a clone of Charles LOL. I thought that was pretty cute. She pointed out Briar's uvula (the ball in the back of your throat...why she noticed this, not sure) and that it is very small, and very much needed for pronunciation. She we will continue to work on signing to babe! She noticed Briar's posteriorly rotated ears, her deep set eyes, pointed chin, straight eyebrows, short fifth finger (which we all LOVE!!!) her pinkie only has one line instead of two like everyone else. She did comment that no one would look twice at B and probably wouldn't know she has these differences. She did say most people would notice her "floppiness" due to the hypotonia. We had a great chat and she gave us a new article to read.

In the afternoon, Osk came to visit. We won't be seeing her for a while because the health unit is focusing on H1N1 and nothing else!! She couldn't believe Briar's neck and head control (hehehe it's funny cause it's not that great, but to us it's a ten fold improvement, so I guess it is great!!) Anyways, she said I need to be "in Briar's face/personal space" and make her move even when she dazes off (which Osk does not think is a seizure) So all in all a good day. Especially when B fell asleep on me right before bed... so cute... and then woke up at 3:30 am with reflux... great LOL

So we have physio today and I will update to let everyone know how it goes! Thanks Carol for taking my child, carving pumpkins and making forts!!

Also, should we get the flu vaccine or the H1N1 vaccine? Let me know what your opinion is, I need help!!!

Cloth Dipes

We've officially made the switch to cloth! Yah for us. On the upside, because Briar doesn't eat a lot, Briar doesn't pee a lot either, so they are never super soaked. We chose Gdiapers and they work great (insert promo here). They come with compostable, throw outable and flushable inserts (not for us, but cool either way!) We chose to use cloth inserts and I am LOVING it. You can buy cute little pink ones with frills on the bum. We are driving to Etobicoke next week to pick some up we bought on Kijiji and I am thinking of making a stop in TO or somewhere to buy some more! I'll post of picture of B wearing them. Oh they make me happy :)

Ashley

Appointments, do you have some on a weekly basis? LOL

I am going crazy with appointments. First of all we are now at 5ccc on a weekly basis, which is great. We are being followed by genetics, and have our "big" appointment coming up on the 22nd. That's when Briar gets to meet with a geneticist that might actually be able to tell us some specific things about Briar, not 1P36 kids in general. She has a 6 Mb deletion which puts her kind of in the middle. I'm interested in finding out a little about her future. I know they won't be able to tell me exactly what to expect, but it's better than the wait and see we get from most doctors! :)

We have a cardiology appointment when she is three (Ha! That's what they told us before she needed to be on oxygen for six weeks and have a PDA Ligation.) to see if her ASD and VSD's are closed.

We have our usual every three weeks appointment at the Pediatrician. B is also seeing our family doctor on a more relaxed basis.

We are going to Neurology in January. This one has really pissed me off because she was supposed to go back in August, but the earliest appointment was January!!! I know other children need to see the neurologist but with a growing brain and baby, I was hoping to be in when they said I should... AUGUST!!!

Osk is supposed to schedule an appointment every month, but I think she may have forgotten, I should call her.

Briar was in for some thyroid and pheno levels again. It's funny cause the MDS people are always like, "Oh a baby, I hope she's not having the blood taken!" I feel like saying, she has had blood taken well over 100 times in her life. It was on a daily basis while in the hospital, sometimes more if they didn't get enough!! But I know they are just caring ladies. Gee, I get annoyed easily...

On a positive note that has nothing to do with Briar but will help us all in the long run... We got our refinancing approved so we can pay off my student loan finally! As well as get a new furnace for our OLD house and some other things we desperately need. It will also allow me some time off in the summer with Briar!! I can't wait and I am thinking of it already. I am also pleasantly surprised that I am excited to go back to work. It was very hard to leave Ella the first time, but I think the prospect of having the summer off (therefore only working Jan-June) is very exciting. I also know Briar will be with someone who loves her dearly (Auntie Care!!!) until she gets into a centre (unless Care wants to have her full time? ;) LOL

PS The pic of Ella was her trying a hot pepper after I told her not too!

Anyways, good bye for now! Love Mama Powers

Life is precious, but not to be lived that way.

Just listening to B breathing (loudly) in the other room makes me smile. I am thinking about her birth and those first few months. Every thing seemed so surreal and never ending, yet here we are.... This world of ours truly is amazing, no matter what you believe.

Being in a hospital for months at a time can make you go crazy, so to cope Briar and I would do things like not leave her room because she had rota virus twice, wear gowns and masks, wash our hands obsessively LOL see where I'm going with this... At least I can laugh now.

Anyways, here are some pics that make me remember the good, the bad and the ugly....


XO Ashley

Babies.

Okay, so everyone I think I have ever known is having a baby now, and it's really making me think about my family. I have always wanted six kids, but after careful consideration i.e. MONEY, we have decided that four is likely a better fit for our family. With that said, a few people have questioned why we would choose to have more children after having Briar.... excuse me! I don't think they mean because she is soooooo fabulous (which she is) I think they are implying that after having a child born with a disability, your family must come to a halt. All I can think of is how wonderful it will be to have so many people (girls? probably) around to love and help her grow. If you are one of these people, please take offense. I would much rather that, than you continue to bother me with your "concerns". The one I get the most is, "Briar needs time with you." No shit, I don't plan on having a show entitled, "The Powers: 18 and counting". However, I do plan on having more children!! I also plan on getting another dog, but mine has arthritis... should I put these plans on hold.. I'm so confused LOL Okay so I know arthritis is not like 1P36, but I was venting....

Anyways, for now I am satisfied with my nephew Leyton on the way and a few more in the plans I think (hint, hint Snider!) but just to be clear, I definitely do not feel my family is complete, if mother nature has other plans, that is okay too.

Peace, Ashley

Sleep baby... nap!

Today looks horrible outside, but it's better then snow. Briar is sleeping right now which makes me very happy! We have yet to get a "routine" going. It's very hard with her, because she doesn't eat enough or sleep enough, then she crashes. We started warming her formula up again and that is helping.

Thanksgiving was great because she got to try many new food like squash, sweet potatoes, cranberry, pear, banana and potatoes. She doesn't really open her mouth, I just kind of put the spoon on her lips and she sucks it off. It's very cute.

Today, I walked in the room and Ella was reading a story and snuggling with Briar. It was so freaking cute!!!!! She is so amazing with B. Last week I asked her if Briar was the same as other babies or different. She said "the same." Then I asked her who could do more things Bennett (our 5 month old nephew) or Briar and she said, "Briar." I love this, she doesn't see the world the way I do. I wish she could stay that way. By the way, Bennett can so many things now!! He can roll over, jump in the jolly, he giggles so loudly and smiles all the time. He is such a happy boy. I love seeing his smiles since Briar's are few and far between. Bath time is when she is happiest. Some times she is crying for hours and I don't know what to do, cause nothing works, so I put her in the tub and she is so relaxed (this doesn't always work, but I still try every time). If only there was an instruction manual... oh well, I'd probably lose it anyways LOL

Well I better get organized before Ella goes to cubbies, bye!

Some like it thick

Oh medication, how I loathe and love you at the same time!

Bebo is currently on phenobarbital twice a day, it's getting very hard to give it to her as she hates thin liquids. I asked Dr. M if we could possibly (please, please, please) stop using it and see if her seizures return. Dr. M feels like we should wait a few more months.

She is also on Ranitidine four times a day, which doesn't seem to be helping (I thought that's what the fundo was for!!!) Reflux has been better since we started solids, so I tend to offer solids a lot! I've started making my own baby food, it makes me feel like I am doing something for her. I exclusively pumped for three months and that still doesn't feel like enough.

We recently started lansoyl which I was hesitant to put her on as I don't want her to depend on a laxative... but it's working. We are still using thickened formula and I mean THICK, she likes it like pancake batter. We are gradually thinning it, but once it gets to a certain point she starts refusing it. I am still on the fence about feeding her on demand. I tend to do the every 3-4 hour thing. That hardly works! I don't know what to do... any ideas??

Milestones...

Well, it is now October and I will be returning to work in a few short months (January to be exact)... and I am still waiting for that milestone. Ella was 3 weeks old when she first rolled over...okay, it was an accident, but the desire was there. Briar has yet to hold her head up on her own. We are getting very close to doing it for a few seconds. I feel like I want to have a party when she has her first milestone, but it is making me think about returning to work. I am of course returning because I will be off in the summer. I just feel like most parents would have seen ALL the major milestones in the first year... I haven't seen one. I want to be there for that one, cheering her on, clapping and screaming my head off! LOL So, what to do... we will see.

We just got her insert for her high chair, which has made a world of difference. It holds everything for her but her head, that is her job... see how much she likes it. Briar gets very frustrated when asked to work, but it also motivates her. We have now been going to PT and OT at Five Counties Children Centre (5CCC) for 2 weeks. Since going to 5CCC, we are not seeing Osk (our health unit physiotherapist) as much. She has been so amazing and I miss her. I miss a lot of people who would not have meant that much to me, had it not been for all our time spent in hospital.

I feel like I am rambling and it feels good :) Thanksgiving was great, everyone was very impressed with Briar. Especially her new found eye contact. She has been focusing slightly more and it is nice to have people recognize this. We are having some difficulties with weight gain but she is gaining slowly. I am trying to emphasize that she is gaining and not losing to her pediatrician, our amazing Dr. Moradhassel, we will see what she thinks.

Well, time to go and attempt to get another feeding in, we will see what Bebo has planned. LOL

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOURS.